Recognizing A Narcissistic Personality (Malignant Self-Love)

Various aspects of the Narcissistic Personality Disorder should be brought to the attention of the general public. It's quite disturbing to know that there are people out there that will suffer narcissistic abuse for the rest of their lives without ever figuring out quite what the problem was therefore it's vital to know the signs.

Primarily, a narcissist or NPD sufferer is stuck in first-person mode, that is they remain stuck in their own little world as does a young child when they get carried away or lost in something that entertains them. In NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) this is reffered to as meta positioning. The focus is completely and constantly on the self and there are signs that give this away if you know what to look out for. Essentially it's important to be able to access first-person, second-person and third-person meta positioning in order to live a normal healthy life, as without it you will not understand the needs of others and cannot go on to learn to love another.

If you're in a relationship with an NPD then you will most probably recognize the fact that there's a problem. You may even be at the point where you're starting to consider that the problem might be you but at the back of your mind and deep down inside you just know it isn't. A vital clue in close relationships is that the narcissist will exploit the fact that they took you into their lives and will act as though you own them the world for it. In fact they will act like you owe them the rest of your life and that you're forever indebted to them. Tell them you're not willing to be manipulated and they'll tell you there's no relationship then, they make it pretty clear that everything is about them whilst your needs are disregarded. Begin to question or complain about this behaviour and you will be immediately discarded as though you mean nothing.

Probably the most prominent clue to look out for is self-centredness, this strongly characterizes the disorder. Even in relationships and referring to their children, house or assets they will always use the words 'I', 'me' and 'mine' and will rarely refer to anything as 'us' or 'ours'. In conversations they may interrupt people when reminded of a memory from their past in order to shift the focus of attention to them and may be even go on into fine detail in order to show off their intelligence.

Malignant narcissism is also characterized by pathological lying, a lot of NPD's will blame this on alcohol and will only act narcissistic when drunk - this is a typical sign of a covert narcissist. Covert narcissism is much more difficult to prove, they present an angel-like innocent persona to everybody around them yet very cleverly manipulate their partner. They generally ostracize their partner, telling their friends and family that you have psychological problems. Accuse them of cheating on you or flirting with other people or even sucking up all of your finances (even if it happened right in front of you) and they will tell you that you imagined it, it was all in your head. They will then tell their family and friends that you're making ridiculous allegations and that you're paranoid. This itself is enough to cause you to distance yourself from them and can result in you appearing to become narcissistic yourself which is what makes the disorder so infectious and dangerous within society.

Narcissists will put down and insult the people around them, including family members, particularly in private to their partner. This seems like they are putting others down while putting themselves up on a pedestal in order to make themselves feel better than everyone else. Whilst this is partly true, this is also a form of contempt and hatred that they've developed for the world around them, they literally do hate everything and everyone. This is because their own self-esteem has been worn down from repeated negative subjective experience (abuse).

The NPD is obsessed, not with their self, but with their self image and what others perceive them as. This sometimes results in them being easily influenced and taken advantage of. However, in private in their homes they can be extremely verbally abusive even towards their children. Ask them who they are and about themselves and rather than describing their personality, they will detail the proponents that make up their lives (their posessions, career, hobbies and interests rather than their emotions, values and beliefs).

The narcissist believes that they are never wrong and they hate it when they are. To an NPD everyone else is wrong, they're right. They even distort the evidence in their favour to make it look like they know what they're talking about. Narcissists are completely lacking in empathy and can only relate to their own emotional needs.

All in all there are plenty of clues to look out for, but the sore fact of the matter is that there are thousands of people out there dealing with narcissists who have never even heard of the disorder or even the word. It's spreading at a fast rate throughout society and can, potentially, be quite dangerous. That's not to say that NPD's are bad people or that you should cut off all contact with them entirely (despite advice commonly given).

Related Hubs

Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - Malignant Self-Love

The Covert / Stealth Narcissist (NPD) - Malignant Narcissism

Narcissistic & Sociopathic Ideology Within Bloodlines

The Aftermath Of The Narcissist

Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Is It Me?

The Sociopath Next Door

Psychological Murder: Inflicted Suicide

Recognizing Narcissistic Abuse

The Narcissist In All Of Us

Narcissistic Alien Psychology