Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) - Malignant Self-Love (Malignant Narcissism)

What is NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder)?

Upon searching the internet and reading through article after article on NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) you will most likely stumble upon an endless amount of confusing information regarding the disorder. Generally, most people have come to believe that a narcissist is somebody who is in love with themself causing them to be vain and bigheaded. This isn't really true as this isn't their real self. The truth is that they hold an invisible psychological barrier made up of a false sense of self-esteem (ego) which they hide their true emotions and persona behind. Behind this impenetrable exterior they are actually emotionally weak and in reality suffer with extremely low self-esteem and feel repressed hatred and contempt for not just themselves but for everything around them, usually caused by some kind of long term emotionally damaging subjective experience (abuse).

Narcissism is a natural defense mechanism, a normal human trait which, in narcissists, has been triggered into overdrive - it has become malignant.

How Does the Disorder Work?

Narcissists build a false sense of self worth from narcissistic supply (attention, adoration, adulation) which helps to regulate their ego and they do this by generally using and slandering everybody around them, showing off and putting other people down in order to make themselves feel and look good and they carelessly and severely damage the lives of everybody around them in doing so. Narcissists are also experts at psychological manipulation and mental abuse. When confronted they make projections to make it look like everyone else is wrong and they are right and that they are the one being victimized. If in a relationship the narcissist manipulates their partner to reflect the behaviour desired in them so that the partner acts out their rage for them - the partner has already been ostracized behind their back, usually early into the relationship and people around them start to believe that the partner is having mental problems.

Over a long period of time the disguised abuse wears down at the psyche of their partner, gradually leaving them feeling like their soul is being worn down and crushed though they may not consciously realize why - usually it's the narcissist's partner who ends up having to go to therapy to learn how to deal with them.

Narcissists are also usually extremely paranoid to the point where they go off the rails if they so much as hear that someone has mentioned their name, even in innocent conversation. NPD sufferers develop an obsessive compulsion to uphold the false sense of self that they have created. In conversation they generally discuss everything in the manner of how it relates to them or their own past experiences therefore giving the illusion that they are in love with themselves - The opposite is the case, deep down inside they are emotionally scarred and weak and don't like to show their true emotions.

There are various types of malignant narcissism out there, despite what you may read about narcissists being either cerebral or somatic. A somatic narcissist is someone who uses their body for constant attention by becoming a satyr (if male) or a nymphomaniac (if female). A cerebral narcissist gains this attention by showing off their intelligence and sometimes finances to make others seem inferior. There are also many other forms of the disorder. Covert (or stealth) narcissists can be extremely difficult to spot and it's possible to live with one all your life without even realizing it. Don't be fooled by the statistics that shows most sufferers of NPD are male. This is an inevitable misconception and statisical research shows that the figures may actually be closer to 50% male and 50% female. Females are naturally more narcissistic in their nature anyway, it's part of their natural defense mechanism so it's much easier for a female narcissist to go unrecognized. I have only met one male narcissist but have met several females.

Despite the original belief that only approximately 1% of the population suffers with the disorder, more recent research indicates that the true figure is probably closer to 15%-16%. Narcissists are masters of invisibility, they don't get picked up by the standard radar of perception, only intuition.

How Do I Recognize a Narcissist?

Typically, in a long term case, the narcissist has an ex-partner who they claim is mentally ill in some way and usually has become dependant on alcohol or illegal drugs. This is commonly the result of being subject to narcissistic abuse over a long period of time, though the narcissist will blame the ex-partner and say that it was the alcohol and drugs that made them like it even though it was the narcissist who drove them to drink and/or drugs. This can even go as far as psychological murder. Narcissists use very cleverly plotted emotional, mental and verbal abuse and guilt and sympathy to manipulate people around them, in covertly narcissistic relationships this is usually solely their partner.

They use hypnotic forms of communication to very cleverly hide the abuse using embedded verbal commands and subliminal persuasion undermining the perception of the victim. Seeing as they have been practising this hypnotic art since they were a child they become experts in it and have what is commonly described as a super human capacity. So much so, that they can use one person to get them to go and manipulate another by proxy,. it is as though their subconscious mind is their conscious mind. Malignant narcissism can be described as a lack of empathy where the narcissist is unable to put themselves in anybody elses position and cannot relate to how others feel, though they will pretend they do. This is learnt naturally and recalled from script as and when needed. Narcissism develops naturally at the age of about six years old and develops from there and is a necessity for life but traumatic experiences can cause the development of personality to become stunted and as they grow they remain in the frame of mind of a six year old or on the other extreme, they are overly spoilt and smothered as a child (also a form of abuse). That is, they go through life playing pretend in the same way that a child does - they remain in the self-love stage of development and don't go on to learn love of another.

Generally, when confronted and guilty a narcissist will deny everything outright to the point where they will swear on their own childrens lives without a flinch then try to convince the other person that they were imagining everything and that it was all in their head and even that they are insane. Narcissists are highly skilled expert liars and some can even beat the polygraph due to a lack of physiological response. It is common behaviour for them to go around visiting their families and friends houses causing a stir everywhere they go with malicious allegations, lies and rumours designed to ostracize their victim(s) and generally causing uproar in people's lives. Most people don't even realize it.

Over the years the people closest to and who live near the narcissist, particularly family and friends around them may start to point the finger and make accusations, usually against the partner of the NPD sufferer. Sometimes they may slowly begin to realize who it is that has been slandering them and stirring up trouble and will eventually have no choice but to break off all contact and move away. The narcissist will always try to say that it was the other person/s concerned that was causing trouble for them and they will act innocent having everybody around them fooled, thinking that everybody is incorrectly pointing the finger at them. They play the victim though in actual fact it was the narcissist doing the slandering all along - they even manipulate people into feeling sorry for them. They usually have one very close friend, a kind of scapegoat who trusts them. Someone they turn to for sympathy in this case scenario who they can rely and depend upon, someone who believes they see the narcissist for who they really are despite being fooled, narcissists really are that naturally skilled.

What's So Bad About NPD?

The worst thing about malignant narcissism is that it's so infectious, not contagious but infectious. Someone who is brought up by parents who are narcissists will inevitably be manipulated by them into becoming narcissistic themselves. It's a rapidly increasingly problem in society and is spreading at a fast rate - not just from people who suffer with the disorder naturally but from people who are manipulated into becoming narcissistic resulting from narcissistic abuse itself. It's a vicious cycle yet recognizing the narcissist can be extremely difficult.

Whereas psychopathy is a lack of guilt or remorse and sociopathy is a lack of conscience, narcissism is a lack of empathy - a narcissist can not relate to another persons emotional needs or understand the pain they are inflicting upon them.

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